I have been wanting to share my heart about Jake for awhile now, and what a great way to do just that on my blog!
I always get asked a lot of questions when people find out he has Asperger's. Or, I get a lot of unsolicited advice. Most of the time I just listen, sometimes I feel compelled to tell my story and sometimes I get really hurt or angry at how hurtful people can be. I don't know if they mean to, but I do know that some really feel like shoving their views down my throat.
The biggest question/suggestion: "Is Jake vaccinated? Vaccinations are so horrible. You shouldn't vaccinate him if you do!"
Followed by: "You know, if he was on this diet, he would be cured of Autism!"
Or, my other favorite: "You're just not praying enough. You need to trust God more!"
Here is my story:
I vividly remember the very day when I was about 8ish months pregnant with Jake and I was praying. Praying the prayer that most expectant mothers pray: For a healthy baby! I can't even explain this feeling that overcame me and I could feel God's presence. Very clearly I heard Him tell me: "Your son is going to be different by worldly standards but I have made him perfect! And he will be incredible! Just trust Me."
From the moment that Jake came out of my womb, I knew he was different. I just had this motherly intuition that he was different. I didn't notice it after a certain age, after he got a certain vaccination or after he ate certain things. He has always done things different. ALWAYS!
Jake was interested in playing with certain parts of toys, never the entire toy. He would line everything up by color. Organize his closet and things at least 20 times per day. At the age of 2, he started putting puzzles together. At 3, he was putting them together FACE DOWN. 20-30 pieces got boring so we bought him 50-100 piece puzzles. Then he was up to 300 piece puzzles. I couldn't even believe it. And he could put together Lego's like nobody's business! Today, Jake is putting together 1000+ piece puzzles!
I'll never forget the day that we walked into Tim's office at work and Jake was a little hyper that day. Tim's co-worker, Jason, called Jake into his office and told him to sit down, handed him a Rubik's cube and told him to figure it out. Jake was 4 at the time. Jake took the Rubik's cube and in less than a minute, he had figured it out and handed it back to Jason. We all just looked at each other totally shocked!
In that moment, I remembered that conversation with God about Jake being different. He was different all right. And I was okay with that. At age 4 is when we first took Jake to a doctor who told us that Jake had symptoms of Autism. Tim and I didn't want to believe the diagnosis and we were NOT open to medication. There was no way our son had Autism is what we kept telling ourselves.
When Jake started school, Autism characteristics were prevalent. He had a very hard time at school and teachers were insistent that he had behavior issues. This went on through 2nd grade and 4 more doctors, TONS of testing telling us that Jake had significant Autism characteristics, and for sure, ADHD.
But we couldn't accept those things and there was no way we were putting our son on medication! So Jake continued to struggle in school, and we continued to fight for him to get the help he needed. I tried every therapy and diet known to man during those years.
Equine therapy...check! ABA therapy...check! No artificial flavors, colors, dyes....check! All-natural...check! Organic...check! No vaccinations....check! Prayed my heart out...double check! Begged God to cure my son...triple check! I could go on and on. The point is that I exhausted myself, my family and Jake trying all of these things....and my son STILL HAD AUTISM!
Tim was strongly against a diagnosis and medication for Jake because Jake had expressed great interest in joining the Air Force and becoming a pilot. We know...he was only 4 or 5 at the time, but we didn't want to shatter that dream by having a medical diagnosis on his medical records. We wanted Jake to fulfill his dream.
Tim deployed (Jake was 8) and what I did next is probably not advisable in a marriage. I made an appointment with a doctor in Fort Worth, Texas who specializes in Autism....without telling Tim.
I was a little worried after researching the doctor because all I saw were very bad reviews and I was thinking about cancelling my appointment. My mother-in-law encouraged me to just give him a chance. So I did.
I was pretty nervous and had my guard up when the Dr. walked in and introduced himself. He did some testing on Jake, asked a ton of questions, checked Jake out, observed him. We were in there for 3 hours. Out of nowhere, the doctor put his hand on my shoulder and says, "I just want you to know that this isn't your fault! You can't blame yourself for anything you've done or haven't done. God makes us all different. Jake is different in his own way but he is going to be okay. You're going to be okay!" I bawled my eyes out in that doctor's office that day! How did he know about the conversation that I had with God before Jake was even born? At that moment, all the stress and worry I had held in for the last 8 years just melted away. We went through several months of testing and decided to give medication a try. Jake was put on Focalin for the ADHD and Kapvay for the Autism characteristics. Kapvay is actually a blood pressure medication but is known to help kids with ADHD and Autism.
To make a long story short, less than a week on the medication and I could tell a complete difference in Jake. I couldn't believe my eyes. He was affectionate, he could focus in school, he could follow instructions, he could make friends! He was doing all of these things that he had never done before! Jake came to me one day and said, "Thank you so much for putting me on medicine! I can think and things don't annoy me like they used to!" I still hadn't told Tim about putting Jake on medicine but when we picked him up at the airport after his deployment, he could instantly tell that Jake was not the same. When he saw all the differences it made, he was 100% on board. And we have never looked back.
We have watched our son live an incredible life. God was so right!!!! Jake is different by worldly standards but he is made PERFECT! Just the way God intended to make him!
Here are more incredible things Jake has done:
He wrote a letter to Miss Maryland, Joanna Guy, and invited her to his school. She accepted the invitation and surprised him at school!
Jake went to the Miss Maryland Pageant to watch Joana give up her crown! He gave her flowers after her final walk as Miss Maryland.
Jake qualified for the Junior Olympics in Track (800 meter Run & 1500 meter Run) and Cross Country.
And he wrote a book at the age of 8 and published it at the age of 11.
11+ years ago, God told me Jake would be perfect and incredible! I truly believe that!
What I hope you take from my story is this:
Not everyone has a calling to homeschool, not vaccinate, not see doctors, and have home births. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, wrong with you doing those things....IF GOD HAS CALLED YOU TO DO THEM! He surely has not called me to do any of those things, and it's OKAY! I am perfectly content with my life! I know I am not perfect (but thank God I am made perfect through Him!!). I don't always eat twigs and berries, I vaccinate my children, I send my kids to public school....I just heard all the "crunchy"/homeschooling moms GASP! ;).....and one of my kids has Autism and the other one doesn't. Both were made PERFECT! And I know that it is not because of my mothering or anything I have done or haven't done that caused Jake to have Autism. I love him and accept him just the way he is! I love and accept Haley just the way she is!
Thanks for letting me share my heart with you! I look forward to hearing your own stories!
